I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
