when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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