I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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