totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
