so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
