I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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