Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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