why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
