i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
