you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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