We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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