i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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