That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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