just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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