We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
