I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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