sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
