He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
