i will never coherently bang her
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
