between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
the liver wants what the liver wants
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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