Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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