im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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