I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
