Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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