3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
