If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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