Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
