Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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