im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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