Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
