I am puke
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Reggie can tackle my bush.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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