hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
