I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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