guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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