i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
