I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
