alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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