doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
