Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
