Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
