Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
