i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
