This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
