Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
