I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
