bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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