For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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