Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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