your thong is hanging out like whoa
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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