Joe is yelling at the trees again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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