I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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