It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
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the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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