Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
