Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
