I am puke
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
