apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
