i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just blew my weed a kiss
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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