Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
