I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
