I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
