she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
