if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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