Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
