he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
