Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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