Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
