Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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