I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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