somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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