I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
